she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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