My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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