I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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