i would punch a child for taco bell
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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