So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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