How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
