The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
