You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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