well I can't set my house on fire every night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
soo... how was my night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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