The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
