I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
