he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
