everyone is single if you try hard enough
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
