Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
