I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
