im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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