if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
