What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
