But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it's like heaven, but drunker
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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