You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
