i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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