Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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