the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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