Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
