Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
