Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
