He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
