dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
