Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
