I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
