I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
