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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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