Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
