There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
