i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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