How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I pour the whiskey from now on
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
