Don't make out with my wife yet
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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