one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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