how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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