you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
