Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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