i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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