I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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