just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
