my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
