Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
