My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
