i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
