I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
