Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
