Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
