You smell like a Billy Joel song
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
