She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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