Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
