"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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