Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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