spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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