she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
