We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
bring money and cleavage
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
