i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
