My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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