My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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