Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
